Things That Happen To Us

Hey, everyone! Hiiii!!!! Omg, hi. I hope you’re all doing alright, and settling into a manageable rhythm in this strange new world. Life is weird in it’s present state. Really, really weird, and of course it has me thinking about when things in life happen to us. Things that happen to us are different than other things that happen. Things that happen to us are usually jarring, and often unexpected. Things that happen to us are a little scary, and tend to leave us feeling untethered. This is not a good feeling. To this day, cancer is still something that happened to me. I never saw it coming. Not once. I have been completely shocked every time, even when I told people I was ready for it, and now here we all are, in the middle of something that is happening to us.

The thing about things that happen to you, is that there is usually a feeling of complete loss of control. The coronavirus is grabbing for the wheel, and it might feel like you are being steered off the road, or that suddenly you can’t find your way to the most familiar places. To top it all off, you might have been feeling like you were on a highway that was taking you exactly where you want to go. Freakin’ detours. You did nothing to deserve this, there was no bad decision making that got you here, this is not your mess, but it has made itself your mess, and now you have to deal with it. Dealing with it sucks. However, on the bright side, you are dealing with it! Seriously, if you’re still breathing, you’re dealing with it, and I would also imagine that the majority of you are incorporating your old routine into your new routine, and are carving out new spaces for yourself in your old, familiar spaces. You are surviving a global pandemic. Welcome to survivorship! Survivorship is where you go when things happen to you. You, too, are a born survivor, and survivorship is where you learn that right here inside yourself exists all the skills you need to get off the island.

Survivorship is uneasy because it involves a lot of unknowns: will I survive, can I make fire by rubbing two sticks together, can I live in 1200 sq. feet with my significant other day in and day out? All good questions, but the nice thing about unknowns is that there’s gold in them there hills (read in my best prospector’s voice). There is growth in discomfort. I can say this after spending a lot of time surviving over the last number of years. After all this time, what I know about things that really shake up my life and sense of security, is that there is something for me here. Whether I want to or not, I’m about to learn something new about myself, so that means that I’m also going to be doing some things that ground me, make me happy, and help my brain to chill out for a minute. Things that feel good. Tapping into the things I can take for myself. I am taking time to walk when the spring winds in NM aren’t blowing too wildly. I can think when I walk. Thoughts present themselves to me like gifts when I walk, and the fresh air and sunlight feel good. I am taking some time every day to talk with family and friends. They ground me, remind me of life outside of this home and news of the virus, and they make me feel connected. Feeling connected feels good. I am lucky to still be working some virtually, and seeing most of those clients at the same time I see them in the studio. The normalcy feels good. I’m drawing in my journal and writing a lot of letters to Love. This feels very good. You get my point here. Do things that feel good in the face of a global pandemic that doesn’t feel very good at all. Survivorship might not be easy, but it doesn’t have to be awful.


One of our evening walks. I love these walks so much. We talk and talk and have loads of commentary on the world around us. Quality time defined. And me as usual coming in for some love. I can’t help it. Look at this guy. And I’ve given up makeup completely. Freedom.

I went on a telephonic walk and talk with a friend earlier last week who also happens to be an amazing executive coach. She was telling me about getting some of her clients to indulge in the mental game of reimagining this as the best thing to ever happen to them. What would that mean, or look like, how would it feel? How would their perception of this situation change if they flipped it on its head, and reimagined it as something they had chosen? Try indulging in this for a few minutes, and really let yourself go deep. What if you had chosen this? I dropped into this exercise rapidly when I chose to stay in NM. It’s a muscle I’ve had the opportunity to strengthen. As another disturbance in a steady line of disturbances over the last few years descended, I took something for myself quickly by taking advantage of the opportunity to spend more time with my guy. What would it feel like for us to live together all the time? This was something I had considered often, but my life is good in Austin, and it is so hard to change good things. That was the beginning of the reimagining, and there will definitely be growth here. Lord have mercy. I can also feel other things rearranging, reimagining, rethinking themselves. I can feel them in the fluttery part right below my diaphragm. I don’t know what this growth is, yet, but it will assuredly present itself. I’m not quite there, though, because I’m so recently here, and here is being in this new space, adapting, and finding myself happy in my current situation, if not pretty dazed, and sometimes uncertain. This is kind of big. People usually prepare for changes this big. For months! Settling in to this new space is plenty for right now. It’s a good start, and the nice thing is that sometimes when I get a little (or a lot) freaked out, I remind myself that I took this, and then I act as though I chose it, because I did. I’m not a victim, I’m a survivor again. I’m a survivor who is walking toward growth. But still, fuck. Just when I had gotten back to living.

The thing I know for certain about things that happen to us, is they inevitably change us. In some way, this period will change the way you live. For those of you who are looking at a bleak situation, you will learn that you are more resilient than you ever imagined. Know that you will survive, and you will rebuild. Human beings are freaking amazing beasts. Even if things are still pretty good for you, the period of forced slowing down may show you some things that are essential, and some that are not. This information is precious.

You have been dropped in the middle of a dense jungle. There is a treasure chest in this jungle, and all you have to do is a little bit of hunting to find at least one valuable gemstone. Go on the hunt. Take time to be still and listen to the sounds of the jungle, because no one is giving you a map other than the faith that intuition is waiting patiently to guide you. Welcome to survivorship.

*many thanks to Ad Meliora Coaching for the excellent mental exercise. Do you have friends who inspire you, or make you feel expansive? Now is a great time to engage those people.





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